Healing

As you all can guess the last year has been a very new experience for me.  I have had some of the hardest experiences of my life.  I have blossomed and bloomed into a very different person.  Some may see that I have gained some strength in some areas.  And some may see I am lacking strength in others.  Overall  I am handling each unique situation the best way I can.

The biggest thing that I've had to let go of is fear.  For all my life I have always feared disappointing those I love.  I in the past have been such a people pleaser that I have cheated myself instead of disappointing others.  This last year I made a vow to stop doing that.  It has been a complete game changer for me.  I am finding that no matter what there is always something better you can do for yourself.  But as long and you are striving to be your best that is all that matters.  No one is perfect.  And it is impossible to be perfect.

My blog post from last week revealed that I hit a rock bottom with a very devastating situation that happened to me.  Last week was probably the worst week of my life.  But from the pain and sorrow I learned a ton.

The first thing I learned is that I am not alone.  I had so many people reach out to me to let me now I am appreciated and loved.  I had strangers reach out to me.  I had old friends I haven't talked to in a while reach out.  I had some of Coles old military buddies reach out to me.  I found out that I was loved by more people than I thought.  What a tremendous thing it was to be cared for by so many.  If you were one of them thank you.  You have been a huge blessing to me.

The second thing I learned is that when you are in a crisis you make mistakes.  And the biggest thing I learned from those mistakes were not to do them again.  I turned those lose stones into stepping blocks to help me become stronger and to achieve greater heights.

The third thing I found out is people heal in different ways.  I turned to new outlets.  Some people may or may not agree with my choices but they are what worked for me.  I found out that Yoga is an amazing thing and I will definitely be doing it a lot more in the now and future.  I also found out that a girls night at the bar with my close friends turned into a nightmare and I was sick the whole next day regretting my decision. (probably will never be able to look at alcohol again without wanting to throw up.)  But that was my choice to make.  And that was my way of healing.  And most importantly it helped.  It wasn't the best or smartest choice but in that moment I wanted/needed it.  And I learned from that choice.  And I learned not to fear what others think and learned that others need to respect how I heal as long as I am not putting myself or anyone else in danger.

The fourth thing I learned was to follow my gut.  If I didn't follow my gut and follow the inspiration I was given the week prior, I would be in a worse situation.  I would have been lost with out any future plans or ways to get out of my mess.  But instead I was blessed with inspiration, knowledge and love that became a huge help to me.

The fifth thing I found out was that I am a warrior.  I am one tough cookie.  I showed a moment of weakness and from it I became so strong.  I became the mother/wife my family needed during that time.  I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty to make sure things were done the right way this time.  I showed strength I had no Idea I had inside.  I didn't become controlling,  I became a humble and powerful woman.