It Happened

We hit rock bottom.  I did the unthinkable in my case.  I snooped behind his back.  But I'm so glad I did because I found out the horrible truth.  I was able to find out that Cole had been lying and doing horribly inappropriate things behind my back while he was drinking.  I confronted Cole and scared him to death.  I scared him by how smart I am at catching onto things so fast.  I scared him with how calm I was about the situation and I had reached my breaking point.  I looked him in the eye and said I don't want you anymore.  I don't want you to ever touch me again.  I don't care to continue a marriage with you.  You have hurt and betrayed my trust so bad, I'm not sure I want to continue being with you.

His eyes popped out of his head.  He looked at me like he was terrified and he said he wanted me and he wanted his family.  I don't fully believe him.

I gave him a list of requirements.  There are no if or buts.  If he wants a family this is what he has to do.  If he decides not to follow through I'll get a divorce attorney.  I took a step back after I confronted him and was super proud.  If you read my post last week you know that I have learned from the hard things that I have turned into my own hero.  I have gained so much knowledge and emotional strength the last 6 months and they prepared me so well for what happened this week.  Don't get me wrong I am scared of the future and what it holds for us because of our incident.  I don't want a divorce.  Right now I think all men are scumbags so a new spouse is out of the question for a long time.  But I'm also scared to continue a relationship with Cole.

Only time will tell how things go.  And I have no idea what our future holds.  What I do know is I have an amazing support system.  I have the most beautiful and lively boys that bring such happiness to my life.  And most of all I know that I am a freaking amazing person.  And I am not taking any more hurt or pain from the person I loved most.  I deserve love and happiness.  I will no longer settle for less.

Right now I'm admiring the quote the wise Bob Marley once said.  I'm stronger then I ever thought and I will once again be able to enjoy my view at the top of my happy mountain.