The wrong advise

There are 2 phrases people tell me that make me cringe when it comes to my husbands Alcohol Abuse.  "Just be patient" and "Just show him you love him".  Do you know how many times I have heard them.  Probably 294,873,729,592,185 times!  .....Okay realistically probably not that many times but it sure feels like it.

I don't get upset hearing these phrases because I don't want to do them.  I love my husband and both parties need to be patient and loving to each other especially during the hard times.  How about you go to him and tell him that advise.  I feel like people are to scared to go to the addict afraid to hurt his feelings.  Sometimes it's a good thing to call them out on their bad behavior.

I think when people tell me this it upsets me most because I feel like it is the advise I hear most.  What do they think... I don't love him and I am just going to run away?!  Every time we have had a difficult time in our marriage I have rolled up my sleeves and fought hard to stay together.  I have been nothing but patient and loving during the hardest times.  Yes I get a little hot headed at times but who doesn't?!?

I think everyone says this because they are lost for words and don't know what to say.  Let me give you a few examples of what I at least, and I'm sure some of you would like instead.  "I'm sorry your having a hard time.  What would you like me to do?"  "I'm sorry, Is there anything I can help you with."  Or my personal favorite when i'm really mad, "Husbands suck... but you love them anyways."  There are so many things to say just before blurting out the same thing over and over again maybe throw in an appropriate joke to lighten their spirits.  Ask how to help. Sometimes advise is good to give but most likely you have no idea how to advise someone because every case is unique.  Every one heals and fixes things their own ways.  When it came to baby advise I hated everyone telling me how to raise my kids....what is up with everyone telling you how to raise children?  What I learned from the experience is I tell my friends and family that I have learned a few things with my kids.  If they ever have a question feel free to ask me what worked for me.  That way I'm not adding to the frustration of everyone else shoving advise down their throats.

The same goes for any addiction.  Some people can quit cold turkey.  Some people seek help from therapy or professional help.  Some people have to hit their rock bottom in order to change.  But not everyone is the same.  Like I said every case is unique.  So just be careful with what you advise.  For me I am open to some suggestions.  But I am just sick of those two phrases being repeated to me all the time.  My husband is my best friend and the love of my life.  I have a lot of patience for him(...If you know us you would agree!)  I may kick him in the butt a few times, but he knows I do it out of love.