I Found My Voice

This title is the whole reason why I decided to write this blog.  My husband and I have been having a challenge of communication lately. *Cue in the eye rolls yet ANOTHER blog about communication in a marriage.  But my marriage is not what you think.  Don't get me wrong I am very happy with my marriage.  My husband and I have gone through a lot of hard times and our communication is the one thing that has always fixed our problems.  So why do you ask this time is different? Let me give you some background information first.

November 4th 2010 was the day I had  had enough of my husbands alcohol abuse.  (No not abusing me but he would drink a 5th of alcohol almost every day.  A 5TH!)  That was the day I went to his work and told him he had 2 choices.  A) He could go to the VA and start getting treatment for his addiction and his PTSD.  Or B) I was packing his bags and he was going to live at his parents.  As any good husband he sucked it up went to the VA and started his treatments.

Now you wonder why I am now taking a big step on making a blog and sharing my thoughts to anyone who finds this blog.  I recently learned how that day drastically affected my behaviors.  I did what any good wife did I stuck by my husbands side and have been nothing but supportive.  But recently I learned that I lost my voice and most of my honest opinions.  I was to scared to be brutally honest with my husband in fear that I would hurt his feelings, or even worse make him relapse...again.

My whole life because of other close family members I have learned to bite my tongue in fear of upsetting them.  Their feelings come first, I just need to bottle up my emotions in fear of hurting them.  But I have finally learned that isn't healthy.  I should be free to express my feelings, my wants, my needs.

My problem now is because I had cared more about others feelings and needs I lost my voice, my say, my thoughts. And now that I am finally breaking out of that protective shell, I want to be heard and be honest.  My honest/loving husband told me that I sound selfish, blunt and rude sometimes.  I don't mean to sound rude.  But if someone is hurting my feelings I shouldn't be shamed into not being able to address them politely and telling them.  Or at least I should feel safe to share my thoughts/be able to vent to someone safe about something that upsets me. (When I say safe I mean someone I trust to be able to talk to and share my secrets such as friends or close family members.) Every one does it!!!  So here is my final thought.... How do you balance it?  How are you able to vent and not sound selfish?  How do you and your significant other communicate and not feel judged for being completely honest? I'll take any suggestions since I'm in a place of confusion.  I don't think I'm entirely wrong and I don't think my husband is either.  There has to be a healthy balance.